Misconceptions about asexuality

Asexuality means not wanting sex

One of the biggest misconceptions about asexuality is that asexuals don’t want or enjoy sex. To explain this more in-depth we’ll explain the difference between the following topics first.

• sexual attraction: experiencing a sexual attraction to someone.
• sexual desire: Has no specific target. Also known as libido.
• Sexual arousal: the genital response that occurs when exposed to sexually relevant stimuli.

This means that someone who considers themselves to be asexual (no sexual attraction), can still experience sexual desire (libido) and/or sexual arousal. This is why there are asexuals who masturbate or have sex with their partner(s). There are many other reasons why asexuals would have sex and/or masturbate, such as wanting to please their partner(s) or wanting children.

Asexuality is the same as celibacy

Asexuality is not the same as celibacy, yet people seem to think this quite often. People confuse having a choice and making that choice to abstain from anything sexual, with asexuality. Which is not a choice. People who consider themselves to be on the asexual spectrum, do not experience sexual attraction. Whether they would like to, or not.

The same tends to happen with demisexuality. Demisexuals do not feel sexual attraction until they form a deeper emotional bond with their partners. Yet people tend to respond with “Aren’t most people like that? Most people want to wait before having sex with someone”. This is however (again), a choice. Demisexuality is not a choice. Demisexuals do not feel a sexual attraction to someone unless a deeper connection is formed.

Asexuality is a physical or mental disorder

With the lack of proper education and awareness on asexuality, a lot of people still believe the misconception about asexuality that it is a physical or mental disorder. This is not the case. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like any other orientation.

In 2016, a study was done at the University of British Columbia. They concluded that there was not sufficient evidence to support the categorization of asexuality as a psychiatric condition (or symptom of one) or as a disorder of sexual desire. They also concluded asexuality being a heterogeneous entity that likely meets conditions for a sexual orientation.

Also, the DSM-5* explicitly and clearly recognizes asexuality, and says that if a person is asexual, that they should not be diagnosed with Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder or Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder.

* The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a handbook, used by health care professionals around the world as the authoritative guide to the diagnosis of mental disorders.

Asexuality is a lack of experience

“You just haven’t met the right person yet” or “How would you know you don’t like it when you’ve never had it”. Two responses asexuals seemingly hear a lot as a response to them opening up about their sexual orientation.

Of course asexuality is not the result of not having met the right person, or not having had sex yet. The same way a gay or lesbian person knows they do not feel any sexual attraction to the opposite sex, asexuals know they do not feel any sexual attraction to anyone.

The same way you don’t tell a gay person they just haven’t found the right girl yet, you also do not tell an asexual they just haven’t found the right person yet.

Asexuality means not feeling any attraction at all

Another one of the many misconceptions about asexuality are about feeling no attraction at all. Not feeling a sexual attraction to someone, does not mean an asexual cannot experience any attraction. Asexuals can experience a wide variety of attractions such as aesthetic, emotional and romantic attraction.

Aesthetic attraction: To admire appearance without the desire to have romantic, physical or sexual contact.
Emotional attraction: feeling connected to someone’s mind, personality, and/or spirit.
Romantic attraction: the desire for romantic contact or interaction with another person.
Physical attraction: the desire for touch or to receive touch. Not necessarily in a romantic or sexual way.

Asexuals who do not feel romantic attraction would be considered aromantic asexuals (also known as aroace).

Asexuality is just a new trend

By some people, asexuality is considered to be a new trend people are hopping onto to be ‘different’. This opinion is often expressed and found on social media channels such as Twitter.

When we look at the history of asexuality we find that the first mentions of asexuality can be traced back to 1869. The same year homosexual was first mentioned on a published pamphlet.

Thanks to organizations such as AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) the awareness of asexuality has grown exponentially in the past few decades. Because of that, more asexuals realized their orientation and felt like they weren’t alone and spoke up about it.

Asexuals do not experience discrimination or violence

Asexuals get confronted with all sorts of discrimination, violence and/or invisibility. Because sex is such a big part in our society, the idea of not experiencing sexual attraction goes against what many consider to be the most natural desire and universal experience. This leads to people viewing asexuality as a mental or physical dysfunction. In other cases people see asexuality as something which is not real / made up for attention. This way of viewing asexuality comes from both outside as within the LGBTQ+ community. This usually comes from a place of being uninformed about what asexuality truly means. This behaviour is also known as acephobia.

This is why proper education and raising more awareness is so important.

Only a small group of people is considered to be asexual

The last one on our list of misconceptions about asexuality. An estimated 1.7% of adults identify as asexual, according to a recent study by the Williams Institute. That might not sound like a lot, but when considering that around 5.6% of the (US) population identifies themself as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, it puts things into perspective. Also, these numbers seem to be growing each year, which means that more and more people feel comfortable coming out as asexual (and other queer orientations).

When you think about 1.7% of the current world population, that is almost 131 million people!