At some point in our lives we, the asexual community, have all asked ourselves this question. Assuming you’re wondering the same right now, I’d like to help you answer that question by giving you some more information about asexuality.
The meaning of asexuality
Let’s start with sharing what Wikipedia says about asexuality: “Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof. It may also be categorized more widely to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.” With sub-identities, they mean graysexuals such as demisexuals. After all, it’s not always black and white. There’s also a gray(sexual) area for those in between asexual and sexual.
That’s a lot of words you might be hearing for the first time. Don’t worry, I’ll explain them all! You can also check out the links in this article as they will provide you with even more information about the different terms.
Am I asexual?
It’s okay to be asexual!
First things first: being asexual is as much of a choice as being gay or bi is. It simply isn’t. You should never feel ashamed of being asexual. The most important thing you should know is that it’s absolutely, 100% okay. In fact, in a lot of ways it’s a great ‘bonus’ to enjoy your life more! You get to spend more time on your passions, evolving your talents and other things you enjoy. Without being distracted by the sexual aspects of life. Those sexy billboards aren’t keeping you away from your (home)work either. I’d say that’s a pretty big win-win right there.
While you may not feel sexual attraction, this doesn’t mean you don’t want anything at all. In fact, within the asexual spectrum there are all sorts of romantic and aromantic orientations. You can still love someone, and might want to hug and kiss them, but not feel sexually attracted.
I can hear you think: “So, am I asexual or not?” One way to explore if you are asexual is asking yourself these questions below and see if your answers align with common asexual characteristics.
- “How do I feel about the concept that is sex? Does this leave me unbothered?”
- “Do I feel sexual attraction when I see someone attractive or am I unbothered?”
- “Do I feel like the interest in sex is expected of me instead of feeling it naturally?”
- “How did I feel when I first found out about asexuality? Did I feel relief? Could I relate?”
Know that there are no right or wrongs here. However if you do not feel sexual attraction to other people, you might in fact be asexual. If you do feel attraction sometimes you could also be demisexual or graysexual. I’ll explain more about these below.
What about demisexual or graysexual?
You might sometimes feel sexual attraction or only when you form a strong emotional connection to someone. Which means you might be graysexual. There are different kinds of graysexuals with demisexuals being one of them.
Graysexual / gray asexuality
In the case of graysexuals, you’d very rarely feel sexual attraction. This may happen randomly or under very specific conditions. In most cases a graysexual would not feel the urge to act on them.
Demisexual / demisexuality
People who consider themselves to be demisexuals are people who only feel sexual attraction when they’ve formed a strong emotional connection with another person. So no one night stands for demisexuals! They need their hearts seduced first!
What does it mean to be asexual?
A useful video that might be able to help you decide if you are asexual is the video below. They respectfully explain asexuality and provide 6 signs that you may be asexual. Of course, everyone is different so even if only a few or none apply, you could still be asexual. The list of these signs is not definitive.
Meet other people on the asexual spectrum
While the asexual community is said to be 1% of the entire population, you shouldn’t worry about this too much. The asexual, demisexual and graysexual community are growing each and every day, as is the awareness around asexuality. You really are only one click away from meeting other aces. Aside from our own site to find asexual friends and relationships, there are also plenty of ways to meet other asexuals, demisexuals and graysexuals!
Need more information about asexuality?
So you’ve asked yourself “am I asexual?“, and after reading this article you might feel that one blog probably won’t completely answer that question for you. That’s completely understandable. One article most likely won’t fix all your doubts and won’t answer all the questions you might have. Check out our article of the top 3 useful websites for asexuals to learn more about the topic! However, I do hope you found this article to be useful, too. And for those who’ve recognized themselves in this article: welcome to the club! Here’s your cake! 🍰 (It’s a thing)
Looking to meet other asexuals, demisexuals and graysexuals online? For friendship or more? Please check out our asexuals.net homepage for more information about our website and the possibilities, or sign up right away if you’re interested!